TRANQUIL CURRENTS

These last months of joblessness had given me so much to think about....

As I sit and stare at the sunlit balcony with all my plants in full bloom and gently swaying to the light breeze, my mind is trying to fit in and work out so many aspects.

I am a person of limited requirements and satisfied with my way of living. So, material things to a certain degree dont matter. People may call me lazy but am not. I feel am sane.

The thought patterns bring out the best and the worst memories. Unfortunately the worst memories stay longer and leave a bad aftertaste. Its taking a lot of effort to come out of it and try to accept it as a part of past life. My worst memories are always of people who have emotionally hurt or emotionally abused me in one way or other. People, whom I had considered friends / family. The ones who I can stop being in touch....I have completely stopped being in touch. But the ones that are stuck to my life like warts....have to be endured or ignored. But...this is taking a lot of skill & patience as I react and think emotionally. These warts have to be considered without any sort of feeling so that they can dissolve in their own created miseries without hurting me.

Also, socially whatever is happening depresses and brings out an anger over the hypocrisy and inequality so rampantly prevalent and accepted by both the genders. The way women are treated and the way women treat themselves is disgusting, revolting and sad. And when I went over it, even I was being trained to think like that after I got married. I never use to share these details with my parents but when I did, I got the courage and spine to fight it back without being too apparent. But then, I somehow am not able to spread the word around because somewhere the vestiges of social hypocrisy is still in me. The best I do is talk to people who are the closest to me.

The thought patterns revolving around love are so so confusing that it takes an entire day for me to sort one pattern out...sometimes...days...Its something that cant be explained, only felt. A deep deep thought and further deep lies the answer(s). It is so mentally exhausting to think about love.

And yes...these couple up with whatever work I have to do around the home along with my job search....so a person looking at me will think,"There she goes again...DAYDREAMING"!!!!!!!!

Am not daydreaming, Sir / Ma'am. I am in this world ...around...knowing, experiencing, listening with all my senses. The only thing is that - I dont make my currents known to you, else you would drown!! :)